Thursday, 2 September 2010

The Sludgy Greys

(a nice take on the WW2 Keep Calm and Carry On poster)

It's been a while since I blogged. I missed a couple of days, then I missed a few days more. And before I knew it it had been more than two weeks since I'd checked into Cyberspace. Which is ok, I suppose. I'd gotten a bit freaked out when people asked me 'Where I was taking my blog?' And did I 'intend making money out of it?' And 'why wasn't I into breaking news'. I don't know the answers to any of those things. I suppose I just wanted to write. Without a deadline, and without the pressure of writing for print (which will always be my first love). And then I started to doubt myself...Because I can't work a Blackberry, and because I don't really get the whole Twitter thing, and because I'm not edgy or trendy enough for this whole blogging thing. And because I turned 41 last week. And I'm still not pregnant. And because my friend is dying and I'm not coping so well with that anymore. And because the sludgy greys have crept up on me, and I don't know how to keep them at bay. Because it's exhausting putting on a brave, happy face. And because saying that you want to make peace with your body is so much easier than doing so. And because its summer, and I wish that I was 20kg's lighter. Because maybe then I'd feel better about myself. And then I feel guilty because I am so blessed, and angry at myself because I can't shake the sadness.
But today, I'm going to be a bit kind to myself. I'm going to drink tea, eat 2-minute noodles, watch CSI reruns. I'm going to lie on the floor with Max and rub his silky black doggy ears.
And then tomorrow I will put on my Big Girl Panties. And do what must be done.

(See Peta, I do take your advice x)


  1. Hi Sam, Nix told me about your blog last Thursday. I think I have now read all your posts from beginning to end. Please do not stop writing, most of us can't opperate a Blackberry and have never had a twitter page and just love your honest writing - I have told at least 10 people about it since Friday -and am about to tel 20 more. Alida

  2. Ok - just realised I cannot even post a comment. I do not have a blog so not sure what all that meant. Hope you got the message? A

  3. Alida!
    You are a sweetheart!
    Thanks for both comments...clearly we can cope quite well without blackberries, twits, or being blogphobic
    Glas wyn een of ander tyd?

  4. Sara, maybe the "sludgy greys" come with age (damn it and bollocks!) or maybe we should simply blame it on hormones - that is my latest favourite trick. Althought I suspect my dearest husband is starting to wonder just how long a bout of PMS can actually last...
    Tried on swimming costumes on Thursday and the white, pasty, dimpled, saggy skin didn't do much to lift my mood - maybe the upcoming swimming lessons with my son will.
    The wheel turns and happiness awaits us all, you know it.

  5. Great big hugs to you, my dear friend.

  6. Didi, My advice? Grab the fake tan, and pour yourself a large gin. Or hop on the plane and visit me. Lekker swem saam met Jaxi. x