(a nice take on the WW2 Keep Calm and Carry On poster)
It's been a while since I blogged. I missed a couple of days, then I missed a few days more. And before I knew it it had been more than two weeks since I'd checked into Cyberspace. Which is ok, I suppose. I'd gotten a bit freaked out when people asked me 'Where I was taking my blog?' And did I 'intend making money out of it?' And 'why wasn't I into breaking news'. I don't know the answers to any of those things. I suppose I just wanted to write. Without a deadline, and without the pressure of writing for print (which will always be my first love). And then I started to doubt myself...Because I can't work a Blackberry, and because I don't really get the whole Twitter thing, and because I'm not edgy or trendy enough for this whole blogging thing. And because I turned 41 last week. And I'm still not pregnant. And because my friend is dying and I'm not coping so well with that anymore. And because the sludgy greys have crept up on me, and I don't know how to keep them at bay. Because it's exhausting putting on a brave, happy face. And because saying that you want to make peace with your body is so much easier than doing so. And because its summer, and I wish that I was 20kg's lighter. Because maybe then I'd feel better about myself. And then I feel guilty because I am so blessed, and angry at myself because I can't shake the sadness.
But today, I'm going to be a bit kind to myself. I'm going to drink tea, eat 2-minute noodles, watch CSI reruns. I'm going to lie on the floor with Max and rub his silky black doggy ears.
And then tomorrow I will put on my Big Girl Panties. And do what must be done.
(See Peta, I do take your advice x)