Right. So here's the cover of my favourite recipe book, the now, sadly out of print, The Slut's Cook Book by Erin Pizzey. First published in 1981, it used to belong to my mom, but she gave it to me a few years ago. I don't think she meant anything bad by it, well not in the sense that we modern women would assume. 'A slut', according to Pizzey, 'has style. Not for her the promiscuous behaviour of her friend the slag. The slut is a warm hearted, loving woman who enjoys her friends, her family and her food. She knows that the way to her man's heart is through his stomach.'
My mom always told me that any woman who thought that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach was aiming a little too high...
But no matter, I love this book, I've read and reread it often, and as with some of the best cook books, I have not cooked a single dish from it. But the lines such as 'the slut's best friend is a tin opener', or 'if the dinner is one the ceiling, she gets the guests plastered', or 'loosening of belts, splaying of legs' always make me grin.
But tonight I wanted to make something from it. So I attempted the first recipe 'Slut's Mayonnaise'. My mother warned me that this would be a waste of time and advised that I pick up a jar of homemade mayo from Giovanni's or Woolies, or even stop off at the corner cafe and pick up a jar of Hellman's. But I was having none of it. I was eating dinner alone tonight (asparagus) and I wanted to make my own mayonnaise.
Well, I won't bother you with the recipe, because if you're the sort of person who would want to make your own mayonnaise, you probably already have your own recipe, and if you have never tried to make it yourself, take my advice and give it a miss.
A pint, yes a pint (that's 568,261 ml - I know I had to google it), of good extra virgin olive oil wasted, 2 eggs, splash of malt vinegar ( to be truthful I never even got to that part).
The green slime was beyond redemption, so I binned it all and ate my asparagus with a squeeze of lemon juice instead. Very virtuous. And disappointingly non-slutty.
But I am not completely disheartened, Erin Pizzey ends her recipe with the encouraging words 'Mayonnaise is like love: the more times you make it, the better it becomes.'
Well, in my humble opinion, there are far better things to do with one's time than making your own mayonnaise. And I seriously doubt that my man will be disappointed with any one of the alternatives.